I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
