Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think people are normalizing furries
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
