my mouth tastes like poor choices
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
