Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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