So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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