Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
