Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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