fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
is it fun? or sober?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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