Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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