I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
