I faked an abortion last night.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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