Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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