Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
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The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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