How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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