those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
