do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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