I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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