Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
