my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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