Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
