My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
