Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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