If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
