I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
