Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wear drunk well.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize