he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
