Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
