just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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