Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
