Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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