you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
