You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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