apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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