Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
