This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
