I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sponge bath it is.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
