Ambien. No doubt about it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
