so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
