dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
