So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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