Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
