I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
