brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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