Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
