the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to calm my uterus...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
