Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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