I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
