Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
