there's paper in my vomit.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
how does that bad decision feel?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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