It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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