): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
