Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
