you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
