is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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