Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize