Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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