No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
