i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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