when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
