she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
