your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
