Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just high enough for therapy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
