he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
