I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
